I told my professor a few days ago that I didn't know why I was in the program.


....i still don't.

I don't know if I ever will. but I guess I'll see how things work out next term with full time teaching and all that. ulgh. I am soo not looking forward to it all because things are going to be hard. wow. vague.

translation: living at home is going to suck.

I realized that I haven't really made a point to focus on some of the positive things I've come across with student teaching.

When I was at my HRVHS September eperience, the studnets would, after a given amount of time, come to me with questions and hang out by my desk in the mornings or between their classes. One of the students brought me cupcakes to hand out to my class.

When I was teaching at Dallas, students came up and shook my hand after my lesson. It was awesome to be respected in that way.

At fall retreat this weekend, Hailey said that she felt I was called to teaching. Whatever is there for me, I've been built and made for what it requires of me and it is where I will best be able to share my light with others. She said she didn't know why she saw that in me, but it was there, and I know in my heart that God told her.

my only form of sanity and release

it's interesting. so many times i feel like i'm living in someone else's shadow. Following them, doing what they did, liking what they liked... but realistically... I couldn't be more of an individualistic person.

I mean, just look at my interests and activities. I don't know anyone nearly as active and involved as me.

Dance
Orchestra
Violin Lessons
Real Life
Small Group
Agriculture (and everything in it)
Longboarding
Biking
Snowboarding


so... I guess I should cease my ideas that I am copying someone, or that I am nothing original or unique or special. ...Or that there is zero reason for someone to be interested in me.

There's so many reasons. i've got a lot of interests and hobbies. Maybe it's why no one is currently because I've always been soooo freaking involved that I'm stressed because I have little to no free time

but all the same, it's building me into who I am

it is who I am.

I am not in anyone's shadow. I stand in the light on my own.